3 Relationship Myths Debunked to Save Your Marriage

Posted on 14. Jun, 2012 by in Communication

Regardless of their origins, relationship myths abound and negatively impact your relationship – and may, in fact, create tension and escalate fighting in your marriage instead of bringing difficult issues to a resolution.  The media is filled with inaccurate – and sometimes just plain wrong information on the subject of how to save your marriage, keep your romance alive, how to keep your man happy, how to skyrocket your sex life and on and on and on.  And what’s incredible to me is that so much of this information is wrong and yet it is repeated by the media (and some other so-called relationship experts) as if it is divine wisdom.

Throughout my years helping couples achieve intimacy and romance in their relationship, I have seen first hand the chaos and damage these relationship myths have created.  Therefore, read below and I will debunk 3 common, and what may potentially be quite damaging relationship myths that I have heard and/or read throughout the years – and ones that I know you have heard too! After having read this article, it is my hope that your relationship will not fall prey to all the myths and false information out there on how to save your marriage.

Myth #1 Never go to bed angry with each other.  Are you kidding me?   Relationships are not TV shows where all issues get wrapped up and resolved within a one hour time frame (which is really only a twenty minute time frame if you include all the commercials).  Some – if not most – important relationship issues are just too impossible, complicated or emotionally charged to be resolved within 24 hoursThinking you “should not” go to bed angry at each other because that is the conventional wisdom perpetuated by the relationship myths you’ve heard, often leaves you feeling angrier and angrier at each other as you attempt to resolve an emotional issue before you go to bed, with the conflict unnecessarily escalating out of control because of a false “deadline”.  I would love to hear from all the couples out there how often that approach has worked for you in the past.  Yeah, I didn’t think it did.

Therefore, I often advise couples to stop trying to resolve an issue that appears to be particularly difficult for one reason or another and just go to bedeven if you are pissed off at each other.   Sleep on it and then re-visit the issue when clearer heads prevail.  It is amazing how much a good night’s sleep can put things in a better perspective in the morning.

Myth #2 Happy couples never fight. Actually nothing could be further from the truth.  Happy couples do fight; in fact, it is the manner in which a couple fights that determines their happiness.  The ability to communicate your differences with respect and understanding are the qualities that happy couples exhibit when they fight.

Healthy happy couples stick to the issue at hand and do not engage in what I refer to as “character assassination”, i.e. name calling, yelling, screaming, and the assertion that their partner’s position is “stupid”, “dumb” or just plain wrong.

Also, when happy couples fight, they realize there are some issues that they will never see eye to eye on and that all differences cannot, in fact, be resolved.  Therefore, happy couples respectfully “agree to disagree” and then move on.  It is what it is. 

Check out my best selling book: “Not Tonight Dear, I’ve Got a Business to Run!” http://nottonightdearbook.com for more great information, exercises and tips on healthy communication and conflict resolution.

Myth #3 Happy couples share ALL their feelings and emotions with each other ALL the Time. Actually, nothing could be further from the truth and perhaps more damaging to a relationship.  Think about this for a moment.  You had a life before you met your partner and many feelings are very private and many feelings should be kept that way.  Does your partner really need to know that you don’t like something that they absolutely treasure?    Share feelings and emotions with an understanding of how they will impact your partner. Communicating feelings and information which will only cause hurt and pain, without any positive benefit for the relationship, does not make any sense – so keep some feelings to yourself!  Let common sense prevail here.

I hope this article provided some insight for you and took some of the pressure off you trying to do the impossible in your relationship!   Remember, if you want to increase romance and happiness in your relationship, it is really okay to go to bed angry with each other; happy couples do indeed fight – but they fight fair, and finally,  happy couples do not, in fact, share all their feelings and emotions with each other all the time!

Rekindle Romance and Happiness in Your Relationship,

Dr. Patty Ann

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3 Responses to “3 Relationship Myths Debunked to Save Your Marriage”

  1. I have been married with my wife for 13 years now. We never had an argument that is not settled before going to bed and for me that is the secret why we stayed together for so long.:)

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  2. Indeed! A happy couple deals with it problems and gets into a healthy fight from time to time. I learned things the hard way and I hope that this post will open the eyes of man couples out there.

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  3. Extremely great article – thanks a lot!

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