Money Fights: Signs of Financial Infidelity and practical tips on how to avoid this type of money fight!

Posted on 27. Jan, 2011 by in Arguments, Conflict Resolution, Money

The numbers are staggering – depending on what research poll you use – at least 50% of all couples have a partner engaged in financial infidelity. Therefore, there is at least a 50% chance that you can personally relate to the issue of financial infidelity in your relationship – or you know someone who can (if so, send them the link to this article). So what’s the big deal? I hide a new pair of shoes I bought from my partner. Or maybe I don’t tell them the truth about how much money I spent on a new sweater; or maybe I don’t even let him know I bought a new sweater – I hide it in my closet and when I do wear it – I tell him I had it for a while – I just haven’t been wearing it. Perhaps you are one of the many people who have a credit card your partner doesn’t know about; these credit cards might be plunging you into debt your partner knows absolutely nothing about! If any of these situations apply to you – beware – your financial infidelity is about to wreak havoc on your relationship. It might even lead you to a divorce.


Financial infidelity is extremely damaging to a relationship because it represents a very serious issue at to the very heart of a relationship. Intimate relationships are built upon trust, honesty, commitment and the ability to compromise. Financial infidelity is a serious breach of ALL these relationship pillars. More so than the actual lie about the money spent or hidden from your partner is the lack of trust and commitment to the relationship the lie represents. This breach of trust and commitment is a deception that acts like an invisible cancer that slowly but surely eats away at the very heart of your relationship.

All healthy, happy relationships are built on trust. The trust of your relationship is in peril as the lies build upon themselves; because let’s be honest – one small little white lie about how much money you spent on a sweater eventually leads to bigger lies. This erosion of trust is disastrous for both your financial security and emotional security in your relationship.

Financial infidelity is a death knells for a healthy relationship because it represents a lack of commitment to the shared goals and vision of your relationship. Wait – did I hear you say you and your partner have never created a common goal and vision for your financial security? Big mistake – make sure you and your partner talk about what your financial goals and visions are for your relationship. Many couples make the grave mistake of thinking their financial future will just take care of itself. Nothing could be further from the truth. Communication is a key component to keeping a relationship on solid ground when it comes to all things – especially money. Communicate effectively to develop your financial goals and budget accordingly. Discuss what is important to both of you from a financial perspective and then plan a strategy based upon mutual respect and compromise.

Finally, each partner in a relationship should have their own money to use at their discretion. Agree upon a number and once you have this agreed upon amount of money – one rule applies: “No questions asked”. You and your partner will both be able to make individual purchases from your discretationary fund the other may think is frivolous or a waste of money. In this situation it doesn’t matter what your partner thinks about how you spend your money – it’s yours to use as you see fit – and it doesn’t jeopardize your agreed upon financial goals.

So next time you want to hide a purchase from your partner, or tell a little white lie about how much money something costs, remember financial infidelity puts your relationship in the danger zone just as much as physical and/or emotional infidelity! Take the necessary actions described above to avoid financial infidelity from causing the break-up of your relationship!

Rekindle Romance and Happiness in Your Relationship,

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3 Responses to “Money Fights: Signs of Financial Infidelity and practical tips on how to avoid this type of money fight!”

  1. Thank you Dr. Patty Ann for the wonderful article. It is sad to say that I have hidden purchases in the past from my partner. I’ll be taking your advice moving forward, starting with the difficult conversations about goal setting and financial planning.
    Debbie McNeill, Stampin’ Up! Demonstrator´s last blog post ..Valentines Day Pop-Up Alternative

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  2. Dr. Patty Ann

    28. Jan, 2011

    Hi Debbie,
    Glad to hear this post was helpful to you!

    Dr. Patty Ann

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  3. Linda P. Jones

    01. Feb, 2011

    Great advice as usual, Patty Ann!
    Linda P. Jones´s last blog post ..sample post

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